it's not you, it's not me, it's the both of us.

i don't know what to do. i really hope this is just a very bad day and my hormones are just off the radar since it's my last day on my tom. i'm so tired of everything, and i don't know how much patience i'm capable of having. i really hope danilo is right about everything, and he probably is, i'm just too stubborn to agree with it right now because i'm upset. but in all honesty, i don't know if this will ever end and how much longer i can put up with things being this way. i'll probably regret typing this later on, but for now, this is exactly what is on my mind. i know nobody is perfect, but how long does it take to recognize someone's wants, needs, dislikes, and all that? a day? a week? a month? a year? 17 months? i have been so patient throughout everything, and some days i know i've been very quick and hasty to make decisions or say things i don't really mean.

i don't want things to be like this, i never wanted it to be like this. i hate these days and i wish they would end as quickly as they started. i can't just sleep everything off all the time. sleep doesn't fix all your problems. they only delay them for 8 or so hours and then they're still there, and if not, then the people are just in a better mood and that's that. but eventually, it will [and always does] happen again. and again. and.. again. and no matter how much you try to talk to someone, the only thing that can ultimately change them and their ways, is the person. maybe i'm going about things the wrong way. maybe i need to stop being so domineering and just have one of those happy-go-lucky, care-free, and idc about anything type of attitudes. maybe that's what's wrong with me. i wish i could do that, but that's just not the type of person i am.

i'm sorry if you're getting tired of me. i'm not tired of you, i could never grow tired of you, but i'm just so fed up with these reoccurring problems between us that happen every other week, if not constantly. i'm tired of being told to just "go to sleep now" or that it's "not a big deal" because everyone has their peeves and the list of things that annoy them, and just because it's not a big deal to you, doesn't mean it isn't to me.


i don't know what i'm trying to say here. i just felt like writing something since i have a lot of emotions i don't know how to express other than crying. and i don't want to cry.