I'm afraid that this complacency is something I can't shake

why do I keep wasting my time on you? you make me feel so insecure and so small. I just want to run away from you and all the ways you make me feel, good and bad. why can't I just back the fuck up like you so desperately want me to? just yell at me or shove me away and shout. I need to stop giving to someone who takes so much out of me. I am too emotionally invested for my own good. I disgust myself. I want to inhabit the body of another only to tell myself wake up idiot, he doesn't need or want you so get a move on already and spare us the waterworks. I get so angry and then lamented on and off all day everyday. life is just one big suckfest and it's laughing at how miserable I've managed to make myself.